"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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