Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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