So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
