You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
