I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
