even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
