There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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