I smell stomach acid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
