i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
