Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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