note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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