her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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