Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
