i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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