I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
