Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
