Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
