Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
