Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
