my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
