I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
