So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
