Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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