I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
