I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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