if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
two words: eviction party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
BRING THE BAGELS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
