I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
