I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
