recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
