quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
