so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
