You just made me feel so damn special
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My feet surprised me
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