I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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