how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
