I wanna passion pit in your ass
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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