I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
