On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
