it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
