He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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