It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
