You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The Olympian is in my bed
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