I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
