yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
