if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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