Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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