is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
