he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
