I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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