Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
