I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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